Thursday, May 5, 2011


Upon sitting at the keyboard with tears in my eyes, just thinking of my momma, I ventured to to see what the "definition" of "mother" is. Not that I don't know already... having a mother and being a mother, what the TRUE definition is. I was thankful, yet surprised that it mentioned nothing of "giving birth to". 

My mother, Ruth Ann, she never carried me in her womb. She didn't wake up to excruciating labor pains and jump up with the excitement of THE DAY finally being here. She didn't call her doctor to prepare him for the upcoming birth.... none of that.

My mother, a young woman, was unable to have children. I can only imagine the heartache that comes with that. I know my momma prayed, I know she cried out to God, I know she spent many nights dreaming of a little one she could call her own. She never carried me in her womb, but she carried me in her heart. She didn't wake to labor pains, but the pain she suffered unable to bare a child, was just as laboring. She didn't call a OB/GYN, but I know she called on her physician, her creator, her best friend. She wanted a baby...more than anything. It didn't matter the sex or color of the baby, she was just desperate to hold and nurture a baby who would become a child and grow to love her best friend, her Father, her counselor, her GOD. 
God is so faithful, and loving. It wasn't that he didn't want her to have children, it's that he knew I needed her to be my mother. You see...when my biological mom conceived me, she was a mere 14 years old. She herself didn't have much of a mother. He knew, I needed Ruth and Ruth needed me. We were MADE for each other. Thank you Jesus!

My parents received a call that a little girl was born in Portland and needed a mommy and daddy. I have been told my parents hung up the phone and ran around joyously, acting like mad fools, lol. Their prayers had finally been answered, finally! They brought me home from the hospital at three days old, with a big red afro, turned up nose, freckles and smelly diaper! I was theirs, and they were mine. Just as God had mandated before my time, before their time, glory!!!

I was given 12 amazing years with my precious mother, before her life was traumatically taken. God GAVE me her, He didn't have to but he did. He gave me life, he knew that the love she had for me would be enough to sustain me for the rest of the time that she would be away in my life. In 12 years, my momma loved me enough to fill a lifetime. I'm so thankful.

When I think of my momma, I think of her soft, sweet face, her beautiful smile, and her catchy laugh. She smelled like Avon perfume, always. Her arms and fingers are so prominent in my mind, as I would rest on her arms while my daddy preached, and I would stare at her fingers while she played the piano like an angel. Her nails, natural, long and always manicured (every saturday she would do hers and mine). Her hair, brown and soft. I always tried to play beauty shop with her, and couldn't understand why she would cringe when I'd show up with the round brush, to only have my momma's hair in a bunch of tangles around that round brush, lol. Her voice, she sang like an angel. I remember one song in particular "Via dolorosa", she had a gorgeous voice and loved to praise the Lord, her King!

My mom was a funny cookie, hilarious actually. I'm sure as a women, she had some real low times in her life, but looking back, I know she would hide her pain from me with a heartfelt smile, and silly joke. 
My mom was so patient with me, so caring, so gentle, so sweet. I know she loved me just like she promised God she would. Above all, I remember my mom's love for her savior. I sit and occasionally read through her prayer journal now, and tears flow down my face, and my heart when I read her relationship with my savior. She truly loved him, and talked to him about everything. Her joys, her sorrows, her kids, her nieces, her siblings and parents... the list goes on. She shared it all with him, and TRUSTED him with everything she had. She was madly in love with Him :)

I know she is not sitting in Heaven rolling her thumbs waiting for us to join her, but that she is sitting at the feet of her sweet Jesus, singing, playing the piano and smiling at Him with all glory reflecting off her face. No sorrow, only praise. Sweet, sweet praise...with those beautiful arms and perfectly manicured fingers!

I miss her, I wish my kids had her, I wish she was just a phone call away... she's my momma! I know we will be together again someday, in our perfect glorified bodies, doing what we love to do...praising our King of kings.

It's not the labor or the birthing that makes a mother, but the labouring and unconditional love. 
I love you Mama, keep praising Him, I'm not far behind you!
Happy Mother's day, to the best mother in Heaven and Earth
and Thank you Jesus, for giving her to me, and I to her, you truly are an awesome God

Click on the blue words to hear a song I listened to always since my momma went home to be with Jesus... where she belongs 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I'm madly in love, and so is He

What kinda woman doesn't fantasize about long walks on the beach { or the desert, lol },  candle light dinner on the porch, long talks in the wee hours, flowers, unconditional love, forgiveness, laughter, joy, peace... the feelings you get all the way through your body from a "love high"... who doesn't want these things in a  relationship? 

Okay, so I met this guy, it's mind blowing how terrifically amazing He is. The "too good to be true" kinda fellow.
He came to me when I was a wreck, I was hurting, lonely, broken and crying. He touched me and said "It's okay, I'm here". WOW {dropping my jaw}, I fell in love that very second. A feeling of love I had never quite known like this love. HE WAS THE ONE!!!! I reached for His hand to see, it was pierced...
He touched my face and said, Lanae, I am madly in love with you...don't you see? Somehow I knew it was true, I knew He really did love me, with a crazy love. I couldn't understand... He must not know what I've done in my life, if He only knew, He wouldn't feel this way. Just then He whispered in my ear the exact number of hairs not only on my head but on my whole body, He knew my most intimate memories, and my most dark memories. He knew my passions and my sorrows. He knew that red is my favorite color, but it has to be the "right red".
He knew every little thing about me, and was STILL MADLY in love with ME, Lanae Nicole Rogers... ME!!!
Haha!!! Makes me wanna dance and shout!

So, ever since I finally recognized who this man was, and allowed Him into my life, I've never been the same. He LOVES to go on long walks in the desert/ or on the beach, he loves long talks any time of the day or night, matter of fact, crazy as it is, He never gets sick of me talking...He actually likes it, lol. Flowers...sunsets...mountains...animals....He is so good to me. Unconditional love...for real. You know how people will say " I love you no matter what", but they just meant "I love you till the going gets tough" ? 
Not in my case, He actually clings to me, and when the going gets tough, He empowers me, protects me, and loves me unconditionally all the way through. He forgave me before I even knew Him, and He never hangs it over my head, just truly forgives. He's pretty funny too, I actually have never met anyone with such a clever sense of humor. The Joy and peace He gives me is unmatched. Security is what He gives me. Not only that, He created the whole universe, every shining star, the sun and moon in it's perfect position, the painted skies every night and day. He made Giraffes and Elephants, Great Danes and Labradors, and I think He made them JUST because He knew I loved them. Waterfalls...He really didn't have to, but they are pretty, so HE did. I could go on and on about His goodness and never say the same thing twice. MY GOD !!!

This is Passion week. The week leading up to my Saviors death and resurrection. There are no cute bunnies or chocolate eggs here... only sweat, tears, flesh and blood. To even TRY to imagine my Jesus' thoughts... I can't.  I have lots of amazing people in my life, and so many of them I could honestly say I think I would give my life up for them if I had to, 3 of them being my children. BUT an enemy? Someone who has hurt me, sometimes even repeatedly? Someone who has denied and rejected me? I don't think so...not me.

My Jesus, He took it all, and all for me. KNOWING who I was... in my darkest of days. He loved me all the way through His horrid Crucifiction... He never regreted dying for me. Each whipping, each mockery, each spitting in his face, each nail, every breath He took on the cross He thought of me and his CRAZY love for me.

The link below is a link for a song called "Theif" by Third Day. The song is sung as if the theif hung next to Jesus is speaking. I pray the Holy Spirit moves on and thorugh you, that not one more day will go by with out you being madly in love with this man. I've searched high, I've searched low, nobody greater...NOBODY.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Michaiah Ruth Lanae

When I learned I was having a baby girl... all I could imagine was bows and dresses. I always wanted a lil girl growing up, didn't we all? What would I name her? 
I wanted her to have a unique, strong, beautiful name.
It wasn't as easy for me as the boys' names were.

Michaiah means... "who is like Yah?" kinda like a rhetorical question... NO ONE is like Yah! I've searched high and low... no one like Him!!! I pray my baby girl grows to know that in her knower.... no one like Jesus!!!! 
"Ruth" was going to be her middle name for sure. I wanted to honor my amazing mother. I think my mom would have been so excited about a lil grand daughter... I like to think she looks down and smiles on her grandbabies while she is praising her king in heaven.
Michaiah Ruth wasn't enough so I added Lanae, lol. As a young girl, I hated my name. I wanted my name to be Sophia, lol!!! As I grew older I came to love it, and because my mom had made it up just for me, I became proud of my name. It means "loving and kind". 
Michaiah Ruth Lanae <3

Kaya was 6 hours late of being born on the leap year (Feb. 29). She came March 1 at 6 am. She was the most beautiful little girl I had EVER seen. 5 lbs 10 oz  18 inches and just PRECIOUS!!!!
She was born in the midst of a very difficult time for our family... but brought joy and laughter with her arrival. I never knew... I could be so blessed.
In a time where my heart had been bruised and broken with loss, I was overjoyed with the gift of a precious princess, she completed me, she completed us.... the boys were absolutely crazy about her.                  
 It's been 3 years... hard to believe. They really do grow up so fast. Yesterday Kaya was singing to me, she was singing "I love you momma". These are the moments worth all the trial, the precious moments of life.
I knew she liked to sing, like her momma, but yesterday I heard her amazing voice.... I pray God gives her the desire to use it for his Glory. That she would sing songs that glorify our creator, that she would use her talent to win souls for Christ.
Here is one of her favorite songs to sing, it just blesses me when she out of no where starts to sing this song.....

I give myself away

I pray this is true in her life... I pray she never settles for less than she is worth.
I pray she knows her worth in Christ.... Oh God, I pray for my daughter.... I give her back to you, because I know you love her more than I ever could. I want her to be helplessly in love with you. I pray she never strays from her faith, that she gives herself to you Father.
Bless my baby girl, help me to be the mother I need to be, give me grace and mercy, teach me, lead me, and give me the ability to raise her up in the way she should go.

Michaiah, you have given me so much in your 3 little years. You have brought me so much joy. So much laughter.... you are such a funny little girl. I love to sing to and with you. I love the way you touch my face and comfort me when I am down. I love your heart baby girl.... You have the world at your fingers my sweet baby. When God is on your side.... nothing can come against you. I love you and treasure you. You complete me <3
Michaiah Ruth, you make mama proud!!!!

An Angel Left Her Wings

© Tina M. Marascia
I have this little angel. For me she left her wings.
She has no idea how much happiness she truly brings.
She brightens up my days with her smiles and her laughs.
She helps me to remember all the blessings that I have.

Her face, it is so perfect, she's sweet and soft and pure.
Sometimes she can be willful and sometimes she is demure.
She tries her very hardest to please and do what's right.
She gives the greatest hugs from morning until night.

Every person that has known her sees this light within her soul
I know that in this whole great world, she has a special role.
She's helpful and considerate to everyone she knows
This light in her shines brighter as my angel grows.

When she sees someone is sad, it opens up her heart.
She wants to do all that she can; she wants to do her part.
She'll squeeze away the sorrow and make me forget about my pain.
She shows me where the sun is when we're hiding from the rain.

I know that God must love me, He showed me with His Grace
I knew just how completely when I saw my angel's face.
And in that very moment when she came into my world,
I knew that she was so much more than just my baby girl.

She would be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end.
And when she grows up one day she would be my closest friend.
She would be the reason I would always try my best.
For my little angel baby girl would be my greatest test.

When God entrusts to you an angel, who has left her wings for you.
Encircle her with love with everything you do.
Let her know God made her, and that He trusts you with her care.
Be sure to make time for special moments with her to share.

And when at night she finally says her prayers and goes to sleep
I Thank Him for my angel, and ask for him to always keep
A watchful eye and hand to protect her from this world.
Protect my little angel; protect my baby girl.

Source: An Angel Left Her Wings, Daughter Poems