Thursday, May 5, 2011


Upon sitting at the keyboard with tears in my eyes, just thinking of my momma, I ventured to to see what the "definition" of "mother" is. Not that I don't know already... having a mother and being a mother, what the TRUE definition is. I was thankful, yet surprised that it mentioned nothing of "giving birth to". 

My mother, Ruth Ann, she never carried me in her womb. She didn't wake up to excruciating labor pains and jump up with the excitement of THE DAY finally being here. She didn't call her doctor to prepare him for the upcoming birth.... none of that.

My mother, a young woman, was unable to have children. I can only imagine the heartache that comes with that. I know my momma prayed, I know she cried out to God, I know she spent many nights dreaming of a little one she could call her own. She never carried me in her womb, but she carried me in her heart. She didn't wake to labor pains, but the pain she suffered unable to bare a child, was just as laboring. She didn't call a OB/GYN, but I know she called on her physician, her creator, her best friend. She wanted a baby...more than anything. It didn't matter the sex or color of the baby, she was just desperate to hold and nurture a baby who would become a child and grow to love her best friend, her Father, her counselor, her GOD. 
God is so faithful, and loving. It wasn't that he didn't want her to have children, it's that he knew I needed her to be my mother. You see...when my biological mom conceived me, she was a mere 14 years old. She herself didn't have much of a mother. He knew, I needed Ruth and Ruth needed me. We were MADE for each other. Thank you Jesus!

My parents received a call that a little girl was born in Portland and needed a mommy and daddy. I have been told my parents hung up the phone and ran around joyously, acting like mad fools, lol. Their prayers had finally been answered, finally! They brought me home from the hospital at three days old, with a big red afro, turned up nose, freckles and smelly diaper! I was theirs, and they were mine. Just as God had mandated before my time, before their time, glory!!!

I was given 12 amazing years with my precious mother, before her life was traumatically taken. God GAVE me her, He didn't have to but he did. He gave me life, he knew that the love she had for me would be enough to sustain me for the rest of the time that she would be away in my life. In 12 years, my momma loved me enough to fill a lifetime. I'm so thankful.

When I think of my momma, I think of her soft, sweet face, her beautiful smile, and her catchy laugh. She smelled like Avon perfume, always. Her arms and fingers are so prominent in my mind, as I would rest on her arms while my daddy preached, and I would stare at her fingers while she played the piano like an angel. Her nails, natural, long and always manicured (every saturday she would do hers and mine). Her hair, brown and soft. I always tried to play beauty shop with her, and couldn't understand why she would cringe when I'd show up with the round brush, to only have my momma's hair in a bunch of tangles around that round brush, lol. Her voice, she sang like an angel. I remember one song in particular "Via dolorosa", she had a gorgeous voice and loved to praise the Lord, her King!

My mom was a funny cookie, hilarious actually. I'm sure as a women, she had some real low times in her life, but looking back, I know she would hide her pain from me with a heartfelt smile, and silly joke. 
My mom was so patient with me, so caring, so gentle, so sweet. I know she loved me just like she promised God she would. Above all, I remember my mom's love for her savior. I sit and occasionally read through her prayer journal now, and tears flow down my face, and my heart when I read her relationship with my savior. She truly loved him, and talked to him about everything. Her joys, her sorrows, her kids, her nieces, her siblings and parents... the list goes on. She shared it all with him, and TRUSTED him with everything she had. She was madly in love with Him :)

I know she is not sitting in Heaven rolling her thumbs waiting for us to join her, but that she is sitting at the feet of her sweet Jesus, singing, playing the piano and smiling at Him with all glory reflecting off her face. No sorrow, only praise. Sweet, sweet praise...with those beautiful arms and perfectly manicured fingers!

I miss her, I wish my kids had her, I wish she was just a phone call away... she's my momma! I know we will be together again someday, in our perfect glorified bodies, doing what we love to do...praising our King of kings.

It's not the labor or the birthing that makes a mother, but the labouring and unconditional love. 
I love you Mama, keep praising Him, I'm not far behind you!
Happy Mother's day, to the best mother in Heaven and Earth
and Thank you Jesus, for giving her to me, and I to her, you truly are an awesome God

Click on the blue words to hear a song I listened to always since my momma went home to be with Jesus... where she belongs 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I'm madly in love, and so is He

What kinda woman doesn't fantasize about long walks on the beach { or the desert, lol },  candle light dinner on the porch, long talks in the wee hours, flowers, unconditional love, forgiveness, laughter, joy, peace... the feelings you get all the way through your body from a "love high"... who doesn't want these things in a  relationship? 

Okay, so I met this guy, it's mind blowing how terrifically amazing He is. The "too good to be true" kinda fellow.
He came to me when I was a wreck, I was hurting, lonely, broken and crying. He touched me and said "It's okay, I'm here". WOW {dropping my jaw}, I fell in love that very second. A feeling of love I had never quite known like this love. HE WAS THE ONE!!!! I reached for His hand to see, it was pierced...
He touched my face and said, Lanae, I am madly in love with you...don't you see? Somehow I knew it was true, I knew He really did love me, with a crazy love. I couldn't understand... He must not know what I've done in my life, if He only knew, He wouldn't feel this way. Just then He whispered in my ear the exact number of hairs not only on my head but on my whole body, He knew my most intimate memories, and my most dark memories. He knew my passions and my sorrows. He knew that red is my favorite color, but it has to be the "right red".
He knew every little thing about me, and was STILL MADLY in love with ME, Lanae Nicole Rogers... ME!!!
Haha!!! Makes me wanna dance and shout!

So, ever since I finally recognized who this man was, and allowed Him into my life, I've never been the same. He LOVES to go on long walks in the desert/ or on the beach, he loves long talks any time of the day or night, matter of fact, crazy as it is, He never gets sick of me talking...He actually likes it, lol. Flowers...sunsets...mountains...animals....He is so good to me. Unconditional love...for real. You know how people will say " I love you no matter what", but they just meant "I love you till the going gets tough" ? 
Not in my case, He actually clings to me, and when the going gets tough, He empowers me, protects me, and loves me unconditionally all the way through. He forgave me before I even knew Him, and He never hangs it over my head, just truly forgives. He's pretty funny too, I actually have never met anyone with such a clever sense of humor. The Joy and peace He gives me is unmatched. Security is what He gives me. Not only that, He created the whole universe, every shining star, the sun and moon in it's perfect position, the painted skies every night and day. He made Giraffes and Elephants, Great Danes and Labradors, and I think He made them JUST because He knew I loved them. Waterfalls...He really didn't have to, but they are pretty, so HE did. I could go on and on about His goodness and never say the same thing twice. MY GOD !!!

This is Passion week. The week leading up to my Saviors death and resurrection. There are no cute bunnies or chocolate eggs here... only sweat, tears, flesh and blood. To even TRY to imagine my Jesus' thoughts... I can't.  I have lots of amazing people in my life, and so many of them I could honestly say I think I would give my life up for them if I had to, 3 of them being my children. BUT an enemy? Someone who has hurt me, sometimes even repeatedly? Someone who has denied and rejected me? I don't think so...not me.

My Jesus, He took it all, and all for me. KNOWING who I was... in my darkest of days. He loved me all the way through His horrid Crucifiction... He never regreted dying for me. Each whipping, each mockery, each spitting in his face, each nail, every breath He took on the cross He thought of me and his CRAZY love for me.

The link below is a link for a song called "Theif" by Third Day. The song is sung as if the theif hung next to Jesus is speaking. I pray the Holy Spirit moves on and thorugh you, that not one more day will go by with out you being madly in love with this man. I've searched high, I've searched low, nobody greater...NOBODY.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Michaiah Ruth Lanae

When I learned I was having a baby girl... all I could imagine was bows and dresses. I always wanted a lil girl growing up, didn't we all? What would I name her? 
I wanted her to have a unique, strong, beautiful name.
It wasn't as easy for me as the boys' names were.

Michaiah means... "who is like Yah?" kinda like a rhetorical question... NO ONE is like Yah! I've searched high and low... no one like Him!!! I pray my baby girl grows to know that in her knower.... no one like Jesus!!!! 
"Ruth" was going to be her middle name for sure. I wanted to honor my amazing mother. I think my mom would have been so excited about a lil grand daughter... I like to think she looks down and smiles on her grandbabies while she is praising her king in heaven.
Michaiah Ruth wasn't enough so I added Lanae, lol. As a young girl, I hated my name. I wanted my name to be Sophia, lol!!! As I grew older I came to love it, and because my mom had made it up just for me, I became proud of my name. It means "loving and kind". 
Michaiah Ruth Lanae <3

Kaya was 6 hours late of being born on the leap year (Feb. 29). She came March 1 at 6 am. She was the most beautiful little girl I had EVER seen. 5 lbs 10 oz  18 inches and just PRECIOUS!!!!
She was born in the midst of a very difficult time for our family... but brought joy and laughter with her arrival. I never knew... I could be so blessed.
In a time where my heart had been bruised and broken with loss, I was overjoyed with the gift of a precious princess, she completed me, she completed us.... the boys were absolutely crazy about her.                  
 It's been 3 years... hard to believe. They really do grow up so fast. Yesterday Kaya was singing to me, she was singing "I love you momma". These are the moments worth all the trial, the precious moments of life.
I knew she liked to sing, like her momma, but yesterday I heard her amazing voice.... I pray God gives her the desire to use it for his Glory. That she would sing songs that glorify our creator, that she would use her talent to win souls for Christ.
Here is one of her favorite songs to sing, it just blesses me when she out of no where starts to sing this song.....

I give myself away

I pray this is true in her life... I pray she never settles for less than she is worth.
I pray she knows her worth in Christ.... Oh God, I pray for my daughter.... I give her back to you, because I know you love her more than I ever could. I want her to be helplessly in love with you. I pray she never strays from her faith, that she gives herself to you Father.
Bless my baby girl, help me to be the mother I need to be, give me grace and mercy, teach me, lead me, and give me the ability to raise her up in the way she should go.

Michaiah, you have given me so much in your 3 little years. You have brought me so much joy. So much laughter.... you are such a funny little girl. I love to sing to and with you. I love the way you touch my face and comfort me when I am down. I love your heart baby girl.... You have the world at your fingers my sweet baby. When God is on your side.... nothing can come against you. I love you and treasure you. You complete me <3
Michaiah Ruth, you make mama proud!!!!

An Angel Left Her Wings

© Tina M. Marascia
I have this little angel. For me she left her wings.
She has no idea how much happiness she truly brings.
She brightens up my days with her smiles and her laughs.
She helps me to remember all the blessings that I have.

Her face, it is so perfect, she's sweet and soft and pure.
Sometimes she can be willful and sometimes she is demure.
She tries her very hardest to please and do what's right.
She gives the greatest hugs from morning until night.

Every person that has known her sees this light within her soul
I know that in this whole great world, she has a special role.
She's helpful and considerate to everyone she knows
This light in her shines brighter as my angel grows.

When she sees someone is sad, it opens up her heart.
She wants to do all that she can; she wants to do her part.
She'll squeeze away the sorrow and make me forget about my pain.
She shows me where the sun is when we're hiding from the rain.

I know that God must love me, He showed me with His Grace
I knew just how completely when I saw my angel's face.
And in that very moment when she came into my world,
I knew that she was so much more than just my baby girl.

She would be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end.
And when she grows up one day she would be my closest friend.
She would be the reason I would always try my best.
For my little angel baby girl would be my greatest test.

When God entrusts to you an angel, who has left her wings for you.
Encircle her with love with everything you do.
Let her know God made her, and that He trusts you with her care.
Be sure to make time for special moments with her to share.

And when at night she finally says her prayers and goes to sleep
I Thank Him for my angel, and ask for him to always keep
A watchful eye and hand to protect her from this world.
Protect my little angel; protect my baby girl.

Source: An Angel Left Her Wings, Daughter Poems

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

It is a great day to be alive!!
We are in the middle of a beautiful storm, here in southern Arizona. I am reminded, that even in our lives in the desert, our storms of life are beautiful.

I attended a woman's retreat with my church, Calvary Chapel, at Huachuca Oaks Camp, my stomping grounds as a kid.
When I came home, I wanted so bad to jump on the computer and write a blog about our retreat. Instead I knew I needed to hit the Word at my most vulnerable time, after being FILLED again with the Holy Spirit. 
It is no secret that these are the times when Satan works hardest on re-claiming our footsteps.

I'm really so over whelmed with good news, I can hardly think of what to write.
God is so good, all the time. I feel that the phrase is just so minimal, God is AWESOME, AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, MAGNIFICENT, SO LOVING .... oh the list goes on and on.

On my drive out to Hereford, I was listening to one of my favorite bands, and one of my favorite songs they play. The title is "What do I know of Holy?" (I'm trying to figure out how to play it on here) This song, being one of my faves, I have played a thousand times in my truck, and sang along a thousand times. I always knew the words to be so true. 
Anyway, during the retreat many women from our church shared, and taught. Every woman offered a beautiful message from the word. One woman, who was a "surprise speaker" gave a great message, and in that message she referred to that song, and a line of the lyrics.... Here's the whole song...take a few minutes to listen to, read the lyrics, and let the words touch  your heart

"What do I know of wounds that will heal my SHAME, and a God that gave LIFE it's NAME?"
God's grace, I mean the WHOLENESS and HOLINESS of it is just beyond me. It's so hard for my human brain to really GET IT. What I do know, and what I do get, is that His grace is SUFFICIENT for me!!!!

God is a God of "free refills", feeling low? He will NEVER keep himself from you, just ASK for more :)
YES, my God is jealous, he is JEALOUS FOR ME, for my heart, for my life. He is jealous for you too, WE are his HEART'S DESIRE!!!!!  Phenomenal.....absolutely! We have only stood on the shore of his OCEAN.... 

Another thing I have come to understand is the very popular reminder "God only gives us what we can handle, and will ALWAYS use it for his glory"

Oh.... I cannot tell you how many times in my troubled life I have heard this. I can't! Did I really believe it? No... I just thought of it as a "hallmark" phrase. something to make me feel better.
God has opened my eyes to this. He has SHOWN me his truth. I KNOW God will never give me more than I can handle, and I KNOW he will use it to further his kingdom, and what is greater than that? Nothing. 

I walked around the camp...reminiscing. I sat, and then laid on the foundation of where our house used to be. My mind flooded with childhood memories, and memories of my beautiful mother. Memories that were tucked deep away in my mind. All wonderful, peaceful....but painful.
I miss my mom, more than you can imagine. I can say with confidence, God has used it for his glory. I know my mom touched many lives, and so did the story of her unexpected departure from this world. I can praise God with my heart, because I know he didn't let my mom's death go in vain...
He took what Satan destroyed, turned it around. Lives were changed, eternally. While he carried me through it,  I kicked, screamed, punched and whined..... but I look back and see ONE set of footprints, they were not mine, but HIS. THIS TOO, is God's Grace. Like stated above, our storms are made beautiful...
No matter what, I'm gonna love and need my savior!!!!!!!

No matter What  (another song to listen to)

I doubt that what I took away from the woman's retreat was what anyone else took away, but it was just for me, from my loving Father....

I cannot put into words, what happens when the Holy Spirit consumes us, and makes his presence felt in the physical sense, but I know I want more of it, more of Jesus, more of his love, grace, joy, faith....all of it Lord, hold nothing of YOU back from  ME!!!

Our Father wants nothing more than to have a relationship with you. Maker of you, heaven and earth....THE CREATOR wants to have a relationship with you..... oh, someone shout HALLELUJAH :) God is good!!!
Worthy of our praise!!!!


God Bless You, my friends and family

Friday, September 17, 2010

I was PICKED!!!

Hey, it's been a while. I have been wanting to get on this keyboard and type away for a while, but the subject matter kept shifting in my head. Maybe I think of it too much, actually I'm sure I do. lol, see?
Ahhh, the mind...what can you say?
Today is Sept 17, 2010. I am 27 today. When did that happen? I sometimes forget how old I am.... as a kid I would just look at the "old folks" (30's) in confusion when they stated they couldn't remember if they were 33 or 34. I understand now, I'm not even an "old folk" in my 30's yet.
Anyway, before you click the back button, I'm not writing myself a birthday blog. Well, actually come to think of it I am. I am writing a blog about my biggest blessing ever. LIFE.
You see, I was GIVEN life. If you are reading this, you were obviously given life too.

Let me rewind 27 years plus a few months, back. My mom was a young girl when she got pregnant with me.
It just so happened to be, there was this lovely, beautiful couple that had been praying oh, so hard for a baby. September 17, 1983 came, and my mother, Corina, gave birth to a little red afro'd baby, "With a cute little turned up nose" my grandpa Brown says. The same day, Michael and Ruth Whitaker got a call. They just had a baby!!! Please don't ask me how much I weighed, it's rude.
Anyhow, the details of the day for the various people need to be told to me again, I would love to hear about it, but I'm sure it had to have been glorious, I mean, Lanae had

You know? Until just recently, I had never given thought to the fact that my mom gave me life, my biological mom. I can't imagine the thoughts, pain and uncertainty that she must have felt for what seemed to be forever during her pregnancy.. I wonder if her peers suggested the unthinkable. I know it wasn't an easy decision to give me for adoption,  Matter of fact, I know it was probably the most difficult decision, ever. How hard it must have been for her. I'm so thankful, I'm so grateful I was given life, I'm so thankful God was in the process, and that I was given to godly parents, and I can see God's hand in my life from before day one.

Michael and Ruth, better known as, mom and dad were amazing parents. The greatest thing I can say about the both is, they taught me about God. They brought me up in a home with God head of the house. I had a great childhood. I have many fond memories of missionaries coming to stay with us, VBS, my dad snapping his fingers at me while he was preaching at the pulpit during church. My momma played the piano and sang like an angel. I remember her arms being so pretty, because I would always lay my head on her while my dad preached. I sang, played the piano, and the flute. We later moved to Huachuca Oaks Baptist camp and came to Arizona. My childhood memories there could beat ANYONE'S childhood memories. We had 38 acres of land to roam, and we did. Eunice and I :)

My parents signed up for me....they had NO idea what they had signed up for. My mom would tell me, "Lanae, we PICKED you". I always imagined being a red-headed cabbage patch doll, and my mom and dad just "picked" me. (the things you remember) Thank you Lord for picking them, to pick me... you are so good.

 In all of this, when I think of my birthday, I know I'm blessed. I know God cares for me. I am thankful for my mother's courageous act, and my parent's loving act. My family is bigger than anyone I know, and I'm Prett-y proud of that fact.

Some call it luck, I call Him God <3
thanks for tuning in

Monday, August 2, 2010

Zephaniah Lee

I know this picture would make my momma so proud

Un-be-liev-a-ble!!!! It's hard to believe it's been 4 years. Time flies when you're having kids, lol.
I like to reflect on the birth of my kids near their birthdays, which I'm sure every mother does.

I remember being MISERABLE!!! Pregnant in high summer in Arizona, guess it could have been worse, Texas is VERY uncomfortable, even when you're NOT PREGNANT!!!
I was working at Pizza Hut Italian Bistro, serving tables, and knocking people out with my giant belly... but they were so good to me there, if I said I was hungry, they'd make any kind of pizza/pasta/bread/soup I wanted, I was SPOILED. God is so good too, you'd think, "ooooh, pregnant at Pizza Hut? she must've gained a hundred pounds".... the good news is I lost 60, lol. I asked the Doctors if that was a concern, she said "hunny, you had the weight to loose" lol.
So, I believe my "due date" was August 15, but Zeph and I knew better, we knew that was much too far away. So, August 4th, after my OB appointment, when they told me I was barely dialated, and it would be 2 weeks till delivery... I went home knowing, "those people have NO IDEA what they are talking about, I am having this baby TODAY". Hours later, Brandon and I were packing our bags to go to the hospital, we knew I'd be taken to Tucson, to have a V-BAC (natural delivery after already having a cesarean). We went into labor and delivery at the Sierra Vista "hospital", and was then flown to Tucson. My dad and Jane came up and stayed late through the night, sleeping on the uncomfortable hospital chairs...waiting for THE MOMENT.
I had been given an epidural after arriving at UMC in Tucson, and it was working WELL. I really couldn't even tell I was in labor. About 3am, the nurse came in to check me, and had the parentals leave the room. All of a sudden, she shoved my knees in my chest and told me to push... minutes later, Zephaniah was born. 3:07 am, August 5, 2006.
It was such a different experience from the C-section, so much more NATURAL (who would thunk it?) so much LESS painful. I actually remember seeing and holding Zephaniah right after he was born, not the case with Isaiah. He was so tiny. 7 pounds 11 ounces, 19 and 1/4 inches. His little wrinkled face, and his old man hair line, he was so precious.
Being a "round 2" mom, I just knew I knew everything about having a baby, and even though it had only been 4+ years, I felt as if I'd drop Zephaniah on his brand new head when I held him.... it all felt new to me again.
Dad and Jane, came in to the room, no one expected to see Zephaniah this soon, but we sure were happy to.

Zephaniah Lee, he has been vital in teaching me patience.... maybe I had prayed for patience before, not sure. Either way, our lives change every time another child is born to us. I know mine did. In a huge way.
I must thank my dad and Jane, for they helped me with Zephaniah so much. My dad and Zeph had a special bond, something I will never forget. ( I didn't live near family when Isaiah was born, the downside to military life)

I have never met a more tender-hearted child in all my days. Zephaniah's heart is bigger than he is. I could learn so much from him if I just sat back and took notes. He is SO quick to forgive, and I mean REALLY forgive. He doesn't just shrug his shoulders when you tell him your sorry, and say "it's okay". No, he opens his arms as wide as they will reach and embraces the one who has hurt him, and says"it's okay, I love you".
It chokes me up just writing about it. If we all could have the gift of forgiveness that Zeph posses, our world would be a much better place. Pure forgiveness... something I strive to, but fall short of, embracing.

Zephaniah I pray will be a leader, someone who wins souls for Christ. A man of God who wants nothing more than to preach to those last ears who haven't heard the great gospel. I pray Zephaniah will continue to have the forgiving heart he has, but that it won't be taken advantage of. I beg for God's protective hand to keep him from harm, and danger. I speak love, wisdom, and faithfulness over his life. I pray he will be wise and learn from my mistakes, not repeat them. I KNOW God has BIG plans for Zephaniah's life, and I know Zephaniah has a heart to serve God and will fulfill these plans.

Zephaniah 3:17

 17 For the Lord your God is living among you.
      He is a mighty savior.
   He will take delight in you with gladness.
      With his love, he will calm all your fears.
      He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

WHAT? God will rejoice OVER ME??? with JOYFUL SONG? WOW, that's love, and pure forgiveness. I can't even conceive this idea in my mind and fully understand it, but that's okay, because I know it is TRUE.

Thank you Father, for in my greed and selfishness, giving me a healthy beautiful Son who loves me unconditionally, and me him. I pray you will guide me to guide him. Father, forgive my shortcomings, and my mistakes as a mother. Give me strength, love and Grace I need to raise this boy into a man of God. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you <3 

Zephaniah Lee, you are surely a great Zephyr, use it to glorify God, and please him..... BE GREAT, SON.  I Love you unconditionally, Momma <3

Monday, July 26, 2010

Our journey begins....

Well, this is my first blog, so, have a little mercy on me while I figure this thing out :)

Around the beginning of this year, I really felt God was calling me to home school my 3 kids. My thoughts EXACTLY were, "you must have me confused with another mom, a better one, a more organized, and creative one.... I know you're not talking to ME!?!" I prayed, and prayed. I slept on it, and went back and forth with the idea. I mentioned it to a few people, friends who I knew would give me their honest, educated opinion, who knew me and the kids. I wrote out what I perceived as pros and cons, and compared. When I started to feel like I could actually do it, I started to talk with other homeschool moms. Some were single like me, some were not. Some were homeschooling teens, and some young children. Some women were using Abeka, and some weren't. Some women were schooling 1 or 2 children, and other women 4 and 5 children. I realized in talking to other moms, that you don't have to fit in a certain "homeschool mom- box" but that our differences is what makes it even more beautiful and amazing, and that our differences are beneficial to one another. I have learned so much from other moms, and it's so neat how they are all willing to tell you what they wish they would've known....

SO!!! You decide to home school and "break the news" to everyone. Now what?
I looked on line, many late nights, reading about different Christian curriculum, different learning and teaching methods. Mind you, there are only 7 billion different curriculums.....
So in my frustration of not yet finding a program, I felt fit our needs, I kind of gave up, and decided I would do it independently using the "Charlotte Mason" method.

God is so good, even when we are not faithful, HE IS!!!

I went to Oregon to visit my BELOVED family, in June. In a conversation with my cousin, I asked her what curriculum she uses, she told me, and I made a mental note. I came home a few weeks later, and immediately hopped online to check out the program.
*AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*   (that's me singing angelically)
I found it!!!!!! I loved it!!!!! It was EVERYTHING we wanted/needed, and much more!!!!

By the way, Thank you Heidi, you don't realize that  you were holding the answer to the question  I had been asking GOD to hurry up and answer. Sometimes I forget, it's not MY timing, but HIS.

So, I found out about the Arizona Families of Home Education convention in Phoenix, and HAD to go.
My wonderful Father-in-law flew in from California to hang out with the kids in Phoenix while I attended the conference.
When I first walked into the huge building I was a little overwhelmed and stood back for a minute to soak it all in. THERE WERE THOUSANDS OF HOMESCHOOL MOMS, DADS AND KIDS, EVERYWHERE.... what a beautiful sight. After gathering my thoughts, and stepping out into the 114 degree weather to relieve my goosebumps, I was overjoyed. Smile from ear to ear. I KNOW God has called me to do this, and I KNOW he will carry us through, in His strong loving arms.

I walked up and down the rows and rows of vendors, anxiously waiting to find the booth for "My Father's World" (the curriculum we are going to use).
On my way, there was so much more to take advantage of, women willing to speak one on one with me about the difference in learning styles, how to identify, and tailor to each child's needs. I met a lovely young lady who was 12, had written a book when she was 10, and just finished the publishing, and release of it. She has been home schooled by her mother and father, who were both their to show their pride and support, while their 12 year old daughter sold and signed the very book she had written. VERY EXCITING to see, and I of course HAD to buy one, so I could share it with my kids at home.
I met another group of young kids Isaiah's age and younger, who are also HS'd, and just recently moved FROM Oregon, to New York, which is kinda irrelevant, but just because they were from Oregon, and had taped their film there, I was more partial to them :) They taped a film in the wilderness of Oregon, an all child cast.  "little rascals meet pilgrim's progress" is the catch to the movie (I forgot the title, but we are going to watch it tonight, and I'll get back to you on it).  I enjoyed meeting them and talking to them. They were SO proud of their production, and just gleaming from ear to ear that people were watching and buying their movie...
It's hard to explain the courage, encouragement, prayer, and advice I was given by WONDERFUL women of God, who shared the same goals as I did, to educate and love our kids OUT of school. One woman said, and it was also written in her book, " we must remember Home school is NOT school at home" but that it is focused education with the family. Our home is not our classroom, rather the WORLD is our classroom.
Although I would NEVER want to live in PHX or any city that size for that matter, there are SO many resources and programs (free ones) for home school families there... it was unbelievable.
I met another author who we were ALREADY a fan of, purchased a couple of his books, and he signed them  to each of my kids, individually, they were SO excited when I brought them home.
I wrote a letter to a martyr in China, praying she will receive it, and be encouraged. I picked up a few materials for the kids to do the same thing, so they can learn about persecution, and that it is still going on big time, in our day in time, just not so much in our culture.
I attended a few speeches, all were packed with useful info, tips, and ideas. Testimonies that were encouraging, and inspiring. Women speaking of their journeys and what they've learned, sharing it with all of us. I cried, laughed, cried more (shocker), and was just totally uplifted, and encouraged.
Let me step off track for a minute (what I do best), although it is so not true, I always imagine "home school kids" in REALLY long denim skirts, long straight braided hair, with a horse and buggy for transportation. Well to my surprise, I didn't see a whole lot of Amish families there, but families that look like mine. Nothing against the Amish, it's just that I am SO not Amish.
So, I have a goody bag they gave me, the curriculum for Isaiah, preschool stuff for the little ones, and a refreshed, encouraged heart. Not to forget, some really cool and funny t-shirts about homeschooling.
I know this is what I am supposed to do, i know I will trip up, but I know God will be right behind us, before us, beside us and in us through the whole adventure.
Looking forward to the conference next year :)

I have tons of books I am going to be reading, and I'm sure there is going to be so much info I want to share with you all, so stay tuned :)